Tuesday, August 6, 2013
Thursday, April 11, 2013
I Stand for getting through hard days.
My adrenaline was running top speed all day yesterday with the production of Dancing with the Stars of JMU last night.... no wonder I felt worn down, exhausted and a little depressed today.
One of the hardest things for me in accepting my mental illnesses is the fact that they are never really going to go away, and also I can't control when my symptoms will flare up. I can work really really hard to keep myself healthy and in recovery - but sometimes it is still just going to be extra difficult.
Today felt like one of extra difficult days.
I did my best to stay focused on the tasks of the day at hand though - mainly classes. And worked on reframing my thoughts. Have you ever done that before?
Today ALL day in fact my brain kept saying "just give up, it's not worth it." so I had to counter it with "you're tired - and you are worth it - take it easy".
It helped me get through today in my after production emotional roller-coaster ride type of thing....
...and it worked kinda (but don't tell my therapist I said that haha)....
Today I stand for getting through the hard days because we all have them. Sometimes we don't know why they are hard, and sometimes we do - but doing little things to get through them - asking for support, reaching out and taking it easy are all things that I stand for today.
One of the hardest things for me in accepting my mental illnesses is the fact that they are never really going to go away, and also I can't control when my symptoms will flare up. I can work really really hard to keep myself healthy and in recovery - but sometimes it is still just going to be extra difficult.
Today felt like one of extra difficult days.
I did my best to stay focused on the tasks of the day at hand though - mainly classes. And worked on reframing my thoughts. Have you ever done that before?
Today ALL day in fact my brain kept saying "just give up, it's not worth it." so I had to counter it with "you're tired - and you are worth it - take it easy".
It helped me get through today in my after production emotional roller-coaster ride type of thing....
...and it worked kinda (but don't tell my therapist I said that haha)....
Today I stand for getting through the hard days because we all have them. Sometimes we don't know why they are hard, and sometimes we do - but doing little things to get through them - asking for support, reaching out and taking it easy are all things that I stand for today.
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
I Stand for #JMUhopestrong
It's done.
7 WONDERFUL dancers and 7 WONDERFUL Stars got on stage and danced for a purpose that really matters to the JMU community - or anyone for that matter. They put themselves out there saying - it's okay to need help, to talk about mental health, to ask for help, to encourage one another.
#JMUhopestrong
This event has been in the works since November 2012. Every single minute, hour, phone call, email, meeting and arrangement was 110% worth it - because JMU heard the message loud and clear: we're in this together. Life happens - and we are not alone.
#JMUhopestrong
Dancing with the Stars of JMU for Suicide Prevention happened because students, faculty, staff, administration, organizations and the like all came together and said: "Our mental and emotional wellbeing are important too."
#JMUhopestrong
Tonight may be over, but always remember that you're not alone. Always remember that you matter, always remember that you are worth the time and the energy that it takes to become the best you!
Always and Forever #JMUhopestrong
7 WONDERFUL dancers and 7 WONDERFUL Stars got on stage and danced for a purpose that really matters to the JMU community - or anyone for that matter. They put themselves out there saying - it's okay to need help, to talk about mental health, to ask for help, to encourage one another.
#JMUhopestrong
This event has been in the works since November 2012. Every single minute, hour, phone call, email, meeting and arrangement was 110% worth it - because JMU heard the message loud and clear: we're in this together. Life happens - and we are not alone.
#JMUhopestrong
Dancing with the Stars of JMU for Suicide Prevention happened because students, faculty, staff, administration, organizations and the like all came together and said: "Our mental and emotional wellbeing are important too."
#JMUhopestrong
Tonight may be over, but always remember that you're not alone. Always remember that you matter, always remember that you are worth the time and the energy that it takes to become the best you!
Always and Forever #JMUhopestrong
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
I Stand for following your dreams....and your heart.
Dancing with the Stars for JMU happens in about 19 hours. It's crazy to think how many people have been encouraged to speak out and start conversations because of the creation of JMU Dancing with the Stars for Suicide Prevention.
I'm thrilled - heart pounding - mind racing - nervous - excited for a room of hundreds of JMU students to hear the message: "You are worth the time, the effort, the energy and the support that you need to figure out/become/and LIKE who you are."
College is all about developing our minds intellectually. But how are we supposed to use what we have learned if we don't understand ourselves, or cannot regulate our emotions in healthy ways so that we can become the productive, self sufficient, dream chasing, life loving, innovating people that JMU has been preparing us to become?
If there is one thing I've learned at JMU it's that you can't run away from yourself (and well, probably a bunch of other stuff too)... but, since I entered in 2008 I've learned that no matter how hard you try, no matter how much you succeed, no matter who you impress or don't impress - you are who you are at the end of every single day. If we leave here not knowing who that is - or not knowing how to take care of ourselves mentally, physically and emotionally in very basic ways - then how are we going to use all the other knowledge we've learned?
My name is Erin Casey. I Stand for following your dreams, pursuing your passions and your heart - but at the same time being able to look yourself in the mirror at the end of the day when everyone is gone - and know that you - who you are regardless of all else -are perfectly okay -- or better beautiful in YOUR way.
That is what Dancing with the stars of JMU is all about.
Enjoy.
I'm thrilled - heart pounding - mind racing - nervous - excited for a room of hundreds of JMU students to hear the message: "You are worth the time, the effort, the energy and the support that you need to figure out/become/and LIKE who you are."
College is all about developing our minds intellectually. But how are we supposed to use what we have learned if we don't understand ourselves, or cannot regulate our emotions in healthy ways so that we can become the productive, self sufficient, dream chasing, life loving, innovating people that JMU has been preparing us to become?
If there is one thing I've learned at JMU it's that you can't run away from yourself (and well, probably a bunch of other stuff too)... but, since I entered in 2008 I've learned that no matter how hard you try, no matter how much you succeed, no matter who you impress or don't impress - you are who you are at the end of every single day. If we leave here not knowing who that is - or not knowing how to take care of ourselves mentally, physically and emotionally in very basic ways - then how are we going to use all the other knowledge we've learned?
My name is Erin Casey. I Stand for following your dreams, pursuing your passions and your heart - but at the same time being able to look yourself in the mirror at the end of the day when everyone is gone - and know that you - who you are regardless of all else -are perfectly okay -- or better beautiful in YOUR way.
That is what Dancing with the stars of JMU is all about.
Enjoy.
Monday, April 8, 2013
Saturday, April 6, 2013
Believing in it until it hurts
Event planning, promoting and advertising can be really exhausting. These days I think I'm running on pure passion and drive (with a little help from caffeine! )
I put hours and hours a day into my current mental health project: Dancing with the Stars of JMU for Suicide Prevention - and often times am I not only not getting paid for it, but I'm actually spending my own money on it.
Even when I type it, I think it sounds crazy.
But the thing is - I believe in this event more than I can put into words. I believe that if even just ONE person in the audience gets the help they need after Wednesday night that every single second and penny was worth it.
It's easy for me to believe that, to talk about it, to breathe it in and out - when for a long time I was the girl who needed to be in the audience. I was the girl who felt all alone, lost and confused because I didn't understand what was going on with me. For a long time I was just scared.
That was me. So advocating, event planning, raising awareness -- all of it - is as easy as breathing because no one should be that girl or that boy or that kid or that student or that man or that mother or that sister or that daughter or that father or that son - watching life happen feeling alone.
That is why we're putting on Dancing with the Stars of JMU for Suicide Prevention. Because everyone needs to know that they are not alone.
I put hours and hours a day into my current mental health project: Dancing with the Stars of JMU for Suicide Prevention - and often times am I not only not getting paid for it, but I'm actually spending my own money on it.
Even when I type it, I think it sounds crazy.
But the thing is - I believe in this event more than I can put into words. I believe that if even just ONE person in the audience gets the help they need after Wednesday night that every single second and penny was worth it.
It's easy for me to believe that, to talk about it, to breathe it in and out - when for a long time I was the girl who needed to be in the audience. I was the girl who felt all alone, lost and confused because I didn't understand what was going on with me. For a long time I was just scared.
That was me. So advocating, event planning, raising awareness -- all of it - is as easy as breathing because no one should be that girl or that boy or that kid or that student or that man or that mother or that sister or that daughter or that father or that son - watching life happen feeling alone.
That is why we're putting on Dancing with the Stars of JMU for Suicide Prevention. Because everyone needs to know that they are not alone.
Friday, April 5, 2013
Don't dim the light.
It is so easy in this world to tear people down.
People say: you are not good enough - directly or indirectly, using their actions or words. Even if ever so slightly to make you feel inferior to them.
Truth be told is that your worth, your "goodness" isn't contingent upon their approval. More often than not their need to boost themselves up by pushing someone else down is symbolic of a deeper fear or insecurity laying heavy in their own my mind.
It is so easy to tear people down, and wrong, and hurtful, and dark.
So be different - invest in someone, build people up, give people confidence and spread light.
You know those who tear, pull, and dim the world around you. Do everything you can to be everything different for others in your life - so that you can bring light.
Do what's hard - but good. Do what's tiring - but rewarding. Make sure that you are a consistent individual in who you say you are and who you actually are.
Build someone up today.
And the next time someone tears you down, or dims the light in your world - ask them to stop.
People say: you are not good enough - directly or indirectly, using their actions or words. Even if ever so slightly to make you feel inferior to them.
Truth be told is that your worth, your "goodness" isn't contingent upon their approval. More often than not their need to boost themselves up by pushing someone else down is symbolic of a deeper fear or insecurity laying heavy in their own my mind.
It is so easy to tear people down, and wrong, and hurtful, and dark.
So be different - invest in someone, build people up, give people confidence and spread light.
You know those who tear, pull, and dim the world around you. Do everything you can to be everything different for others in your life - so that you can bring light.
Do what's hard - but good. Do what's tiring - but rewarding. Make sure that you are a consistent individual in who you say you are and who you actually are.
Build someone up today.
And the next time someone tears you down, or dims the light in your world - ask them to stop.
Monday, March 25, 2013
I Stand for saying it.
I wonder sometimes what it would be like to say: "Hi, my name is Erin and I am bipolar, I am anxious, have depression, am in recovery from an eating disorder, struggle with self harm, oh yeah and don't know who I am."
I wonder how people would respond if that is the first thing they ever heard me say.
I'm open - in a detached-you-don't-really-know-me- sort of way. But to lay it out there from day one would be terrifying and liberating all at the same time. Thinking about it though really makes me wonder -- who really knows me anyway?
Who really knows you?
What would be your opening line, if you could disclose anything in one sentence? This opener should be terrifying, yet liberate you from the so many chains that hold you down, back, and to the ground.
What don't you say? What do you leave out? How about gloss over?
Obviously we don't open relationships this way - obviously we pick and choose who we tell what to. But I Stand for saying "it" (whatever your it may be) because saying it sets you free. You've gotta know that life is ugly which makes it beautiful. We're all going to face crap, trial, fear, anger, sadness and then bear fruit. We will then become who we are suppose to be through that refinement of life.
Maybe it doesn't get easier. Maybe it's not supposed to. Maybe we're supposed to make it easier for others so that they can do so for even more people.
I Stand for saying it.
Set yourself free.
I wonder how people would respond if that is the first thing they ever heard me say.
I'm open - in a detached-you-don't-really-know-me- sort of way. But to lay it out there from day one would be terrifying and liberating all at the same time. Thinking about it though really makes me wonder -- who really knows me anyway?
Who really knows you?
What would be your opening line, if you could disclose anything in one sentence? This opener should be terrifying, yet liberate you from the so many chains that hold you down, back, and to the ground.
What don't you say? What do you leave out? How about gloss over?
Obviously we don't open relationships this way - obviously we pick and choose who we tell what to. But I Stand for saying "it" (whatever your it may be) because saying it sets you free. You've gotta know that life is ugly which makes it beautiful. We're all going to face crap, trial, fear, anger, sadness and then bear fruit. We will then become who we are suppose to be through that refinement of life.
Maybe it doesn't get easier. Maybe it's not supposed to. Maybe we're supposed to make it easier for others so that they can do so for even more people.
I Stand for saying it.
Set yourself free.
Saturday, March 23, 2013
"Even the best fall down sometimes..." Collide by: Howie Day
I fall a lot. Everyone does - but it still sucks. Sometimes the holes we fall into make sense and other times we trip over our own two feet - simply because we are moving to fast.
Life is so hard and so messy. Life hurts (like hell). Life is terrifying. Life is filled with bumps and bruises, sometimes even broken bones.
And when we get beat up time and time again its so easy to ask ourselves what is the point? When we keep falling, or tripping, or getting seemly more broken It's so easy to ask - okay why not just stay down this time? Why should I get up again?
Get up because you're not alone. Life is hard for everyone - not just you - and we're all just figuring our way out.
Get up because you're different. You may struggle to see that difference, but it's true. No two people are the same and every single person has something beautiful to give to this world. I've been most encouraged, and most inspired by people who had fallen and were fighting to get up. They didn't have it all together - after all we will never have it all together.
Get up because if you don't try you will never know what would have happened if you did. Life is a risk. Living is a risk. Loving is a risk. But take it - because at the end of the day, if you don't - not only will you miss out on so much - but so many people will miss out on the opportunity to know you.
I Stand for getting up, because even the best fall down sometimes.
Life is so hard and so messy. Life hurts (like hell). Life is terrifying. Life is filled with bumps and bruises, sometimes even broken bones.
And when we get beat up time and time again its so easy to ask ourselves what is the point? When we keep falling, or tripping, or getting seemly more broken It's so easy to ask - okay why not just stay down this time? Why should I get up again?
Get up because you're not alone. Life is hard for everyone - not just you - and we're all just figuring our way out.
Get up because you're different. You may struggle to see that difference, but it's true. No two people are the same and every single person has something beautiful to give to this world. I've been most encouraged, and most inspired by people who had fallen and were fighting to get up. They didn't have it all together - after all we will never have it all together.
Get up because if you don't try you will never know what would have happened if you did. Life is a risk. Living is a risk. Loving is a risk. But take it - because at the end of the day, if you don't - not only will you miss out on so much - but so many people will miss out on the opportunity to know you.
I Stand for getting up, because even the best fall down sometimes.
Friday, March 22, 2013
I stand for doing what you do.
In a would filled with "shoulds" "woulds" and "coulds" it can be really hard to figure out the "I dos" "I ams" and what is true for you.
I know I struggle with that on a daily basis. I strive to be who I believe I should be, and forget who I am. I spend so much of my energy on the the ideas about what my life would be if I was better or smarter or prettier. Before I know I forget how grateful I am for the people I have, the experiences and opportunities I've been given - and for what I can do today where I am - the way am. It's hard not to live in the past or in the tomorrow. It's hard to make this moment the best moment it can be. But what else do we have really?
So today I do art, I do school, I do advocacy.
Today I am a writer, I am creative, I am a sister.
Today It is true that I am doing the best that I can.
I Stand for doing what you do.
I know I struggle with that on a daily basis. I strive to be who I believe I should be, and forget who I am. I spend so much of my energy on the the ideas about what my life would be if I was better or smarter or prettier. Before I know I forget how grateful I am for the people I have, the experiences and opportunities I've been given - and for what I can do today where I am - the way am. It's hard not to live in the past or in the tomorrow. It's hard to make this moment the best moment it can be. But what else do we have really?
So today I do art, I do school, I do advocacy.
Today I am a writer, I am creative, I am a sister.
Today It is true that I am doing the best that I can.
I Stand for doing what you do.
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
I Stand for knowing who you are
I am a sister
I am a daughter
I am a friend
I am a girl
I am a leader
I am a student
I am smart
I am a perfectionist
I am silly
I am kind
I am passionate
I am impulsive
I am loving
I am controlling
I am creative
Sometimes I feel so lost in my circumstance, that I forget that I am so much more than what is happening around me. I forget that everything and everyone can change - yet I am who I am. I am who I was created to be. I am who I have grown to be through my life experiences, good and bad. I have been shaped by those who have put energy into molding me.
Today isn't a great day. Yesterday wasn't a great day - that that happens. But I am who I am - and that makes it okay.
You are who you are too. Make a list. Remind yourself that no matter what the day, the situation, the person who comes in or out - you are who you are - and that is more than enough.
Today I Stand for knowing who I am. Stand for knowing who you are too.
I am a daughter
I am a friend
I am a girl
I am a leader
I am a student
I am smart
I am a perfectionist
I am silly
I am kind
I am passionate
I am impulsive
I am loving
I am controlling
I am creative
Sometimes I feel so lost in my circumstance, that I forget that I am so much more than what is happening around me. I forget that everything and everyone can change - yet I am who I am. I am who I was created to be. I am who I have grown to be through my life experiences, good and bad. I have been shaped by those who have put energy into molding me.
Today isn't a great day. Yesterday wasn't a great day - that that happens. But I am who I am - and that makes it okay.
You are who you are too. Make a list. Remind yourself that no matter what the day, the situation, the person who comes in or out - you are who you are - and that is more than enough.
Today I Stand for knowing who I am. Stand for knowing who you are too.
Saturday, March 9, 2013
I Stand for....
Recovery sometimes makes complete sense. It has never been easy - but I've always understood what I needed to do (it's usually been spelled out for me by treatment providers). For example - I've had to take my medication as prescribed, eat when told, and not engage in eating disordered behaviors. I've had to go to appointments (lots of them) and talk.... talk.... and talk. Sometimes, I would be poked and prodded by doctors.... It was hard - the hardest - but I understood it.
I'm confused now.
Anyone who knows me knows I like efficiency - I like control - I like accomplishments. I used those personality characteristics to enhance my recovery process, through charts and lists, goals and measurements of progress.
There are no charts and lists for relationships. Relationships are not about efficiency and mastering things. It's not about improving....... I guess it's not supposed to be about control at all.
I'm not sure how to do it then. I want to learn, and at the same time I'm scared - it's kinda like knowing you've come so far and you cannot go back now. I want to allow people to know me, and know others without feeling threatened.
To be honest - my method of relating to people has worked great for me.... up until now. Now, it's not enough. I want more.
I just have to figure out how.
Today I Stand for being known and knowing others. It's harder than it looks.
I'm confused now.
Anyone who knows me knows I like efficiency - I like control - I like accomplishments. I used those personality characteristics to enhance my recovery process, through charts and lists, goals and measurements of progress.
There are no charts and lists for relationships. Relationships are not about efficiency and mastering things. It's not about improving....... I guess it's not supposed to be about control at all.
I'm not sure how to do it then. I want to learn, and at the same time I'm scared - it's kinda like knowing you've come so far and you cannot go back now. I want to allow people to know me, and know others without feeling threatened.
To be honest - my method of relating to people has worked great for me.... up until now. Now, it's not enough. I want more.
I just have to figure out how.
Today I Stand for being known and knowing others. It's harder than it looks.
Sunday, March 3, 2013
To be Exceptional: A poem
I Stand for Realizing just how exceptional you are... the way you are... Right now.
To be Exceptional
By: Erin Casey
I don’t know when I became afraid of being labeled “mediocre”
But as the days went by I gradually raised my bar
Always convinced that I needed to push myself to every limit to go far
I first strived to meet other people’s expectations
Then push myself to be better out of fear of my very own limitations
All to be Exceptional
What ever that is or was anyway
It never stopped
No accomplishment was good enough
And then I dropped
My life had become one catastrophe after the next
And no one realized just how complex
-- the insides of my body, mind and spirit had become by my own intense drive
to be exceptional in the way that I push to strive and thrive
For my brain would say
If you don’t do it one hundred and ten percent – why do it anyway
But in all that time, I had missed the point of who I am living for
Which hurt my soul, my heart, my brain and more
To be Exceptional
Is to know how to take care of you the best way you can today
So that you are healthy to be there for others in that same way
It means knowing your limitations, your strengths and your weakness too
That way I can help people, and ask for help when I need it too
To be Exceptional
Is to be true to your heart
To love people from the very start
To be kind to yourself and others without regard
And to step back, take a break, and rest (even when it is hard)
To be Exceptional
Needed to be re-defined inside of me to move forward with healing
And now looking back, my previous definition is so terribly unappealing
To be Exceptional
To be Exceptional
By: Erin Casey
I don’t know when I became afraid of being labeled “mediocre”
But as the days went by I gradually raised my bar
Always convinced that I needed to push myself to every limit to go far
I first strived to meet other people’s expectations
Then push myself to be better out of fear of my very own limitations
All to be Exceptional
What ever that is or was anyway
It never stopped
No accomplishment was good enough
And then I dropped
My life had become one catastrophe after the next
And no one realized just how complex
-- the insides of my body, mind and spirit had become by my own intense drive
to be exceptional in the way that I push to strive and thrive
For my brain would say
If you don’t do it one hundred and ten percent – why do it anyway
But in all that time, I had missed the point of who I am living for
Which hurt my soul, my heart, my brain and more
To be Exceptional
Is to know how to take care of you the best way you can today
So that you are healthy to be there for others in that same way
It means knowing your limitations, your strengths and your weakness too
That way I can help people, and ask for help when I need it too
To be Exceptional
Is to be true to your heart
To love people from the very start
To be kind to yourself and others without regard
And to step back, take a break, and rest (even when it is hard)
To be Exceptional
Needed to be re-defined inside of me to move forward with healing
And now looking back, my previous definition is so terribly unappealing
To be Exceptional
To be vulnerable.
I'm a strong person. I'm a strong person. Let me say it again, I am a strong person.
I guess then it makes sense that the idea of feeling weak, or needing help, or feeling vulnerable to someone else through emotion, physical happening or personal connection makes me want to crawl out of my skin. Being strong isn't something I decided to be, it's something I became by necessity. Being strong wasn't a choice as much as a survival mechanism. I became my own hero because I knew in my heart that's what I needed for recovery.
To be vulnerable for me means to let someone into a place that I have guarded as my own - a place filled with dreams, fears, anxieties and tears. I wonder, quite honestly, if I will ever let any person into that so very scary and personal place in my heart. I mean if I don't want to be there - who else could possibly want to or care? What if they walk in then out? What if its too much and they freak out?
I have so strongly protected that place within. I don't think I'm ready to let anyone in.
I am a strong person. But I am afraid too. Afraid to be vulnerable with anyone... Including you.
I stand for baby steps today. Allowing insecurity to be okay. We cannot take every step at once. I stand for knowing I'm okay being me today.
I guess then it makes sense that the idea of feeling weak, or needing help, or feeling vulnerable to someone else through emotion, physical happening or personal connection makes me want to crawl out of my skin. Being strong isn't something I decided to be, it's something I became by necessity. Being strong wasn't a choice as much as a survival mechanism. I became my own hero because I knew in my heart that's what I needed for recovery.
To be vulnerable for me means to let someone into a place that I have guarded as my own - a place filled with dreams, fears, anxieties and tears. I wonder, quite honestly, if I will ever let any person into that so very scary and personal place in my heart. I mean if I don't want to be there - who else could possibly want to or care? What if they walk in then out? What if its too much and they freak out?
I have so strongly protected that place within. I don't think I'm ready to let anyone in.
I am a strong person. But I am afraid too. Afraid to be vulnerable with anyone... Including you.
I stand for baby steps today. Allowing insecurity to be okay. We cannot take every step at once. I stand for knowing I'm okay being me today.
Thursday, February 14, 2013
Monday, January 7, 2013
I Stand for Perseverance.
Today was the first day of my last semester of undergraduate work at James Madison University.
As I walked around this familiar campus for the millionth time, an all too familiar feeling rose in my chest - something between light anxiety and panic. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I told myself : "You've come this far, and you will walk many more miles, one step at a time."
Any sort of change, or transition, such as the beginning of new classes, or new anything really - has always brought a great deal of stress and pressure to my life - I thrive in routine and controlled environments - so college has been a challenge to say the least.
I wonder sometimes how I've made through. But I've come to realize a lot of it has been because of perseverance.
Nothing about my college experience has been "typical".
While many young adults makes friends in their dorm that will last a lifetime, I made friends in therapy groups and treatment -- and for the first time in my life felt validated.
In college many young adults toss around ideas, beliefs and values that they may establish and hold on to for the rest of their lives. I tossed around recovery methods, diagnoses and medications - that too will help me for the rest of my life.
During this time too, a lot of people find love, meet that special someone, some get engaged - or even married. I've just begun to care for myself the best way I know how and take a step forward in loving who I am.
My college experience has been far from typical. But I don't think I would change it if I had the chance. Since I came to JMU as a freshman in 2008, I have become stronger, learned more about myself, and discovered not only how to care for myself, but how to begin loving myself.
So today I felt overwhelmed (as usual for the first day). But I took great pride in the fact that I have persevered - and it gives courage to continue to do so.
I Stand for Perseverance.
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