Sit or Stand?

You will hear my story at Where I Stand. But today I'm going to tell you where this event came from.

When I got out of inpatient/residential treatment last summer I was not ready (or at least I didn't think I was). I felt riddled by my disordered behaviors and thoughts, and I just wanted it all to go away.

Well - it didn't all go away - in fact it got worse, much worse, before it got better.

During the days of wanting nothing other than to disappear I clung hardest to the things my biggest supporters said to me. I held on tight to conversations with my fellow travelers (those I've met in treatment fighting this disease along side of me) - and I kept existing.

It got to a point though, that existing was not enough - and that I had a decision to make.

I had to make a decision to live (by fighting everything disordered inside of me) OR to die (by allowing my eating disorder to consume then take my life).

I chose to live and continually choose to live today.

And while I daily fight to make decisions of health - I am standing, for myself, my friends in treatment, for people who struggle or will struggle or could struggle all around me.

To stay standing I hold on to what one treatment provider said to me as I broke down in her office "You are a Beautiful Person." Which is something I now believe about myself and others.

To stay standing I remember my sisters from treatment at Remuda Ranch as we would fight, meal by meal, emotion by emotion - fighting through each day - seeking just a bit more health.

To stay standing I think of my friends & my family - the people that have held me up for so many years, until finally I was able to stand by my own strength.

Choosing to Stand was incredibly difficult at first - but now, I don't think I could sit down.

I'm not perfect. My recovery certainly is not either. 

But when I'm tempted, struggling, feeling extra low and wanting to give up.

A little voice pops up and says: "Sit or Stand?" 

I think I'll Stand. 

Today's Meeting!

Today I met with the directors of three different dance studios that will be performing in Where I Stand Roanoke: Pedro Szalay of Southwest Virginia Ballet, Leslie Arthur of Valley Dance Productions and Nancy Saylor of Halestone Dance Studio.

It was wonderful.

I think we would all agree that the meeting was a success. We discussed the purpose - it's importance, and possible impact. We then moved to the dancing! Oh how I love dancing, and dancers! (especially these dancers). They are so good at what they do, from choreography, teaching, to nurturing students - I feel incredibly lucky to have the opportunity to work with these three wonderful directors for this event!

Tomorrow's tasks involve lot's of phone calls to counseling centers, and local magazines and media!

Where I Stand Roanoke is going to make a HUGE impact on our area! - It's already making a big impact on my heart (and some others I know)!

Spread the word. Spread hope. Email Whereistandtoday@gmail.com to get involved.

~ Erin

 

Leslie Arthur - Valley Dance Productions

 

Nancy Saylor - Halestone Dance Studio

 

Pedro Szalay - Southwest Virginia Ballet

Where Do You Stand?

Where I Stand

By: Erin

So far in the course of my life

I have stood for many things

These things have often caused me harm and strife

Hurt too, terrible pain, and those harmful things that always sting

My mind would always say:

I should

I would

I could

The truth is….

This is where I stood:

On a mountain of shame and guilt

That I myself built

In an ocean of depression and doubt

Where I stayed silent then acted out

Below a cloud of anger and fear

Words of comfort and hope I could never hear

But today that has begun to slowly change

One foot in front of the other

I move from that dark place to brighter other

That is where I stood

This is where I stand

Here with you

Struggling my way through

Making the decision to do what is hard but right

So that my life may reflect light

Holding on when I want to let go

Knowing it’s okay if I go slow

Walking with others who choose to fight for light too

For what seems impossible for one is possible for a few

So this is where I stand

Fighting my own darkness

Fighting for light

And from where I stand you must know

We WILL be alright

This is where I stand

You choose where you want to be

My hope is that you will see

When it comes to mental illness, strain and strife

The only choice is to stand for life

We Stand for HOPE.

A few months ago I began telling people I wanted to do something. Something to publicly say "screw you" to the disease that has taken a good part of my life from me. And people responded.

On October 27th 2012 Roanoke will have it's very first benefit to raise awareness, education, HOPE, and a little money for the treatment of Eating Disorders.

It's Called: Where I Stand

My eating disorder almost took my life - and after spending lots of time and money in intensive treatment - I'm finally finding my way out of the darkness that consumed me.

Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness. And are debilitating. But There is Hope - in prevention, in treatment, and in recovery - and that is where I stand today.

On October 27th 2012 at 7pm in the PH auditorium (almost certainly) I will publicly share my story. As will others. You will see dances from studios around Virgina - as dancers perform and empower themselves to be healthy. You will hear from friends of people who have struggled, poetry, and so much more.

You yourself will also have an opportunity to donate to a scholarship where 100% of the monies will go directly to treatment for someone struggling. And Stand for Hope.

Tickets are $10 per ticket (all proceeds go directly to the scholarship). They will go on sale at the beginning of September. Locations TBA.

Something Big is Happening. Don't miss it. Invite friends. Spread the word. Raise Awareness. Spread HOPE.