You are Enough.

Life is full of uncertainties. It's full of fears. Life is spontaneity and is constantly changing.

And it's easy to forget: You are Enough.

I forgot this these past three days it seems, as I have been hiding in my room, questioning what and why I am doing what I am doing - and tonight as I sat soaking in the warm tub with candles lit around me, I breathed deeply, praying to God to remind me of who I am aside from who I think I should be, aside from where I think I should be in my life, and aside from who I want to be.

And I was reminded.... I am Enough. - just like this.

Because the truth is: I am Enough. Just as I am, with my past, my present, and whatever my future may hold. I am Enough.

And you are too.

It's simple truths like these that keep us healthy, and remind us what we want to be.

I Stand for the truth that we are Enough.

October 27, 2012 pictures from the process

11:00 am - In Studio Rehearsal at Valley Dance Productions

Erin leads warm up -- just like old times:) 

Barlow Girl "Mirror Mirror"

Anthem of a Seventeen year old Girl. 

Wild Horses

Junior Company Modern 

Group HUG:)

Best Friend time -- We can do this!!!! 

6:30 pm - Doors Open at Andrew Lewis

Backstage

7:00 pm - Showtime! 

The speakers and my best fiends :) We did it!



After the finale pictures -- On October 27, 2012 - We Stand for HOPE!

The Orgin

When I'm in Roanoke - I'm usually with one of two people, Lori Ann Dowd, my best friend since fourth grade, or Lebron Johanna Parsell, the little girl I've babysat since she was just 3 months old. Those are my people. 

Where I Stand is big. It's a big event. It's a big idea. It's a big deal - and as much as I'm going to try to convince myself that it is not so "BIG" in the days to come to calm my nerves - let's face it - it is.

Have you ever wondered how it came to be? Well, reflecting back on it's very beginnings always reminds me who I am, where I am from, and definitely What I Stand For. 

I was fresh out of and intensive treatment program, taking time off of school, frustrated with my life and feeling misunderstood. My best friend Lori Ann and I were on our way to target - what we were buying I could not tell you, but in that 20 min car ride a movement began.

It began in a rant - we do this thing... if one of us is upset we just let the other talk and talk and talk - let out the poison, no judgement, no criticizing, and no bringing it up ever again. "Why does no one ever talk about anything real?" "Why do I feel this way?" "Why does everyone pretend to be fine"....

In treatment all you do is talk about who you are, what bothers you and what excites you, what went wrong and what helps you go right. The transition is hard, for anyone.

On my ipod "Here's Where I Stand" by Tiffany Taylor came on - and it hit me - that it was my choice to stand up and say what I need to say, or do what I needed to do, and the conversation turned.

We began talking about how one person inspires the next, and how thoughts and ideas spread - be it positive or negative - before we knew it, we had talked through Where I Stand.... and then it began.

Lori has been better than any best friend I could have hoped for. She's made it so I've never had to stand alone. We've always stood up and through various life trials and issues - together - be it family drama, school drama, relationships, moving places - or my eating disorder.

We stand for spreading hope through ideas and love through actions. 

Where We Stand.

Valley Dance Productions: What do you Stand For?

 

Leslie Arthur Studio Owner of Valley Dance Productions.

"I Stand for Kindness"

Over the past week Leslie Arthur - studio owner of Valley Dance Productions, asked some of her students "What Do you Stand For?" to reiterate the message of the event "Where I Stand" to her students. We encouraged them to fight for something they believe in, use their words to spread encouragement and love, and and be advocates for standing up for something that they believe in.

Here is what they said:

































On October 27th these ladies will dance for these very things - to help inspire others to stand up and believe in hope, in loving others and loving yourself..... Valley Dance Productions is ready to stand and dance. Are you?

Come Stand with these inspiring ladies:

Andrew Lewis Middle School, Auditorium

616 South College Avenue

Salem, Virginia

On:

Saturday October 27th 2012 @ 7pm and Stand!

Tickets $10

For more information email: whereistandtoday@gmail.com

Speaking at North Cross School

I am so thrilled to announce that I will be speaking at North Cross School in Roanoke Virginia on October 15th 2012. I will be speaking about eating disorder awareness, sharing my story, and encouraging the students of North Cross to Stand for HOPE! 

I cannot wait to meet the awesome students at North Cross :) Get excited - I know I am!!! 

Lauren Hearne Stands for her Family, Friends and Community

No one can do it alone. No one can Stand alone. No one can walk alone. It's true we're in this together.

On October 27th Lauren Hearne, a sophomore psychology major at Mary Washington will Stand and speak out as a supporter, a friend, and an individual who's life. She's never had the thoughts in her brain - but she's walked with someone who has, and will speak out the hope and encouragement that comes with recovery and how she takes care of herself along the way. has been indirectly affected by an eating disorder. 

One of her favorite little reminders in times of struggle with food and mood she says, very kindly, "Who's talking right now - is it you - or is it your eating disorder? I'd like to speak with you please." She also believes in Hugs. Lots of Hugs.

Come Stand with Lauren On October 27th at 7pm at Andrew Lewis Middle School - Stand for your friends, your family, Stand for prevention, Stand for life.

Natalie Ball Stands for Awareness and Hope

Where I Stand is not about one person, it's not about two or three. It's about a community, it's about an idea, it's about doing something good, no something great.

On October 27th, Natalie Ball will stand and speak to spread awareness, education and hope for the treatment of eating disorders at Where I Stand. When I asked her today what this event meant to her, she said: "I’m no stranger to the difficulties associated with mental illness, so that me makes passionate about speaking out." She hopes that this event helps give others that might need help the courage to ask for it. "Eating disorders are complex" she says, "with many causes and factors... but there is hope in prevention and early intervention." And make no mistake that for those things we must speak.

Natalie says she's excited currently about speaking - but will probably get nervous right before the event! She's a Senior at JMU studying Psychology. 

She finished with "I cannot wait to stand with others for something so important, so meaningful."

Come Stand with Natalie, other speakers, the Freed Foundation and dancers from around Virginia to raise awareness, education and funds for the treatment of eating disorders on October 27th at 7pm.

Why is "Where I Stand" Important - Interviews

Everyone knows I'm passionate about this event. Now it's time for me to show all of you what I have been encouraged by, excited by and blown away by over these past few months. The passion and excitement, and   the "How can I help?" attitude that our community has responded to this event with is incredible.

Starting this week - I will be interviewing dancers, speakers, studio owners, community members, mental health professionals, teachers and the like - and you will see for yourself why "Where I Stand" is important.

It's October everyone... Spread Hope.

Do you want to be interviewed? Email Erin at whereistandtoday@gmail.com

I Stand for Perseverance

When it comes to treatment my attitude for a long while was "Let's get this done." or "Let me check this off my list."

I pushed myself through partial programs (trying to get back to classes).
I fought my way out of inpatient (one time)
I continually inquired about finishing up a group.

.... but I've learned something.

When it comes to recovery, speed has very little to do with it. In fact I've realized that these skills, tools, coping strategies, and supports are things I will need not just for today, or for the next few weeks - these are the things that keep me healthy, keep me in recovery..... and I will need them forever.

It takes perseverance, commitment, and determination.

Today I stand for perseverance.
Because sometimes I just don't feel like doing it anymore..... but I have to do it anyway.

Let's keep going. Let's persevere.

HOPE is contagious.

HOPE is contagious. 

I had a long weekend, not terrible, but long - and my brain was fighting me the whole time... I felt tired and run down, things we all feel from time to time.

And then this happened:

I asked some friends to help me Spread HOPE and spread awareness about the event "Where I Stand" - and people responded. Our facebook invites tripled in less than 24 hrs - I started receiving messages asking how people can help.

And all I can say is.... HOPE is contagious. Things change one person at a time, one conversation, one event, one kind act - and it spreads.

Spread the word about Where I Stand - Spread HOPE.

Invite your friends on facebook to the event.
Have a conversation
Make a phone call
Share this blog

- and ask them to do it too - because HOPE is contagious.

Hope is infecting the Valley....

Light is stronger than darkness.

Let the whole world hear..... [and become aware]

Today is a strange day. I didn't sleep last night. I have a Spanish test in two hours, and some of the most personal parts of my life are now in print all over the Roanoke Valley.

I feel strange - in a good way - relief almost. The secret is out.

I, Erin Elizabeth Casey am NOT perfect.
I struggle, I cry, I do stupid things
I have challenges, frustrations,
Off days - Off weeks even

AND

That is okay.

Take a look at the two pieces Where I Stand has been featured in over the past week or so. Let the whole world hear.... [and become aware] I'm not perfect - and if we're honest neither are you.

Say it out loud today, the relief is amazing!

Dan Casey's Column: Eating Disorders can take a toll on any family

Avery Eliades Blog post: Where I Stand Benefit to shine light on eating disorders

 

Sunday 9/16 Preview Event.

I will be speaking at Valley Dance Productions on Sunday September 16th at 4pm about 'Where I Stand' why it was created - and it importance for our community.

Come and meet me, some of the dancers & ask any questions you have about the event! 

You can buy your tickets at that time too! 

Sunday September 16th, 2012

4pm

Valley Dance Productions

17 Elm Avenue  Roanoke, VA 24016

Eating Disorders are life threatening mental illnesses.

Let's do something about it.

Also check out a story about the event at sosalem.com 

Click Here to Read the Story.

Want to Quit? Keep going.

It's natural to want to quit something that consumes a large amount of your time and energy while it's frustrating, exhausting, and there is seemingly no end in sight.....

I want to quit at least once a day.

And then I remember that trying and fighting and being tired is ALWAYS better than missing out on your life because you're trapped in compulsive behavior, ritual, instability, and fear.

I skipped out on countless family events because of my eating disorder. Anything I could avoid I did, then my Grandfather died, and I didn't get to say goodbye. I canceled on my friends to avoid food situations, or so that I could plan my own food rituals, or sometimes because I could not bear to be seen. I spent hours getting on and off the scale, tears streaming down my face, because the number just was not low enough.

Now I fight for recovery so I can see my family, so I can have healthy friendships, so that my time can be spent studying, babysitting, and working with a student organization at JMU, Active Minds.

It takes a lot of energy.
It's frustrating a lot of the time.
It's exhausting.

And

I never want it to end. (Even when I'm tempted to quit)
Because it means that I get a life at all, it means I get all the good and bad that come with living, and I'd rather be tired and living then sitting back and letting my life pass me by.

I have to fight for recovery.... one breath at a time some days... up, down, & all around.

But it's worth it.

It's my life. It's your life.

Trying is always better than missing out.
I don't want to miss out. You don't either.

A-B-C-Done

Recovery does not move from point A to point B to point C to D as in Done.

No.

Recovery goes up and down, left and right, sideways, backwards, forwards and then up and around. Yep. Recovery is anything but a straight line.

....Just like life. Because - Recovery is about living your life - and there is no clear-cut-for-sure answer on how to do it.

It's more of a learn-as-you-go, trail and error, this is hard - but worth it, kind of thing.

It's hard.

But once I accepted that maybe there is not a "D as in Done". Once I realized that I couldn't check this off one of the many lists I love to make, I began to learn how to live in the midst of this, I began to learn to make my environment conducive to my recovery, I learned tools.... and began to live.

It isn't perfect. Life's not perfect.

Our journeys have many twists, turns, mountains and valleys... but it's not about waiting for it to be over.... it's about getting stronger along the way.

Imperfectly Perfect

If you ask the question: "Can someone completely & fully recover from an eating disorder?" You would get a million and one responses. There are many many books out there claiming to answer that very question.
There are Psychologists, PhDs. MDs. and Therapists that have different theories. Well, today I publicly share my own theory - without any degree or book to my name.

Take or leave it 

(there's a million to choose from)

Disability: "A disability is a condition or function judged to be significantly impaired relative to the usual standard of an individual or group."

Mental illnesses (of all types) can "significantly impair" one's life.

Eating Disorders for example - consume more time and more energy than people would believe. They physically make you unable to function at your best. The intrusive thoughts take over.... impaired seems like an understatement at times.

So - in accepting my eating disorder as one of my biggest disabilities - one of my biggest challenges. I (like so many other people with disabilities) had to re-learn how to live.

*If a person becomes blind - they learn to use their other senses, they may get a service dog, they can learn to read by touch.
*If a person becomes deaf - they learn sign language, they get a hearing aid, use lighting & other signals.
* If a person loses the ability to walk, they get a wheel chair, they ask for support, they use ramps vs. stairs.

With an Eating Disorder it's no different.

* I have learned to use a meal plan & skills to relieve anxiety. I have treatment professionals to discuss stressors with. I take it easy when my emotions are high.

At the end of the day - it's about adaptation. We're all different. We all have different challenges, trials, disabilities, strengths, passions, and genetic make up. Life isn't necessarily about becoming "fixed" "recovered" or what that translated to in my eyes "perfect", it's about learning how to live your life the best way you can - the way that you are.

Will there ever be a point where I say: "I'm 100% recovered all-the-way"? Who knows - but what I can tell you that every day I practice more and learn more about how I personally best live my life - with the disabilities I have such as my eating disorder and bipolar disorder, and each day am astounded at just how beautiful the imperfections, the challenges we must over come, and the differences between us really are.

We're all imperfect, set out to learn and adapt to our challenges and disabilities.Is there ever an end to that process?

"Perfect" never comes. That much I know.

Citation: Disabled World News - Definition of disability including types of disabilities and the social model of disabilities: http://www.disabled-world.com/disability/types/#ixzz24ycKDOzK

Hope

When trapped in darkness it's hard to see.
When swallowed by pain it's hard to hear.
When paralyzed by fear it's hard to believe in.

Hope.

On this journey to find wellness, recovery, and stability - my hope has at times increased, and then diminished.

Sometimes my hope  attaches to what others believe for me.
My hope rests in my faith in Jesus.
My hope is learned through past experiences, trials and temptations conquered.

In the midst of one of my darkest moments, fearful I won't make it to the other side - HOPE that the pain will  pass, and light will come again - keeps me breathing.

Hope.

Hold. On. Pain. Ends.

Pain will never end permanently. We all have our trials, our temptations, or difficulties in life - and some of my biggest ones take the shape of mental illness. I've felt much pain, and I will again. But Hope that despite that pain (and in some cases because of it) I have and will continue to grow and learn and love more - makes it even just the smallest bit easier.

Hope.

Lessons along the way.

Running myself into the ground was (is) a trademark of mine.

I desired to be everything for everyone all the time. In the course of doing this I earned a spot at the top of my high school class, I was a very sought-after babysitter in the Roanoke Valley, I both took classes & assisted with classed at the dance studio. I was the Head Lifeguard at the lake where I worked & the co-founder of the swim club!

In my own eyes - my time was neither valuable or my own. I was created to do things (for others) and often times to earn my place.

When I got to college I made straight A's first semester - and attempted to find the areas around campus where I could again "earn my place". I learned though that nothing seemed to give me any sort of satisfaction anymore.

I'm very talented at morphing myself to be what others want me to be.

But eventually I had to ask -- What is that doing to me?

At what point is pleasing others more important than taking care of myself and doing what is best for me, my body, my mind, and my soul?

In this process of recovery that I've been on for nearing 10 months now - I've learned that in standing for recovery, in standing for hope, in standing for awareness --- I need to first stand for me, and all that I was created to be.

What once was "selfish" is now part of basic "self-care".

And it is my job to take care of me
and your job to take care of you

So that we may be the best, healthiest, truest people we were meant to be!

We All Need Inspiration

Days like today usually start like any other.

Wake up. Brush teeth. Eat Breakfast...... Sometimes a dark cloud hangs from the second my eyes open, other days I'm trucking along and out of nowhere I've hit a wall and am flung flat on my back.

No one ever told me recovery was going to be easy. No one ever told me it was going to be fun. I fact everyone said this (in some form or another): "It will be the hardest thing you will ever do... and absolutely worth it."

On hard days - pure grit and drive to recover are not always enough. On hard days It becomes ever so clear so I cannot do this alone.

Thank goodness I don't have to.

I have so much inspiration for my recovery.

First, I am inspired by the girls and guys I have met in the various treatment settings I've been in. I'm inspired by their courage to continue - and their willingness to support me (and others) when a hard day or situation creeps in. Those people understand me better than anyone here on this earth. It's almost like we speak a secret language: instantly calming, powerful, strong and heart-felt.
         My best friend Natalie and I make this deal "You pray for me and I'll pray for you." -- Those prayers are so comforting and always help me get through even the toughest days that seem to never end.
         A fellow Roanoke Dance Alumni, Lauren Gross & I talk each other down (sometimes through texting during the day) to deal with moments of anxiety, or bumps in the road - always reminding each other we're not alone.
       
Next, I am inspired by who I might become - just keep pushing, keep getting better, keep moving forward. I think about my family a lot in this regard - and all that they have done for me. I think about the hard work, the good days and the bad days, the impact I can make, or want to make. The people I love. The future inspires me.

Finally, I am incredibly inspired to be healthy by my faith - and what God has done for me - and what He might do through me.

Some days I like so many other wake up with a cloud - that eventually fades.
And during that time I need Inspiration

These people and things INSPIRE me to stand.

What inspires you?

Am I doing "It"?

Just be YOU.

For years - I thought I was doing just what I was supposed to be doing. I thought I was doing just what everyone wanted me to.

I faked it. No - I faked EVERYTHING.

Real emotion hidden - smile on my face - get the job done.

And guess what? It worked - until it almost killed me.

People saw: a hard worker, an achiever, a good student, a talented dancer, a good friend, a well adjusted individual. Yet I felt more out of control than I could ever describe.

Those were the days I was sitting in my seat, scared to stand up and ask for help. Those were the days I was afraid to tell someone what I really felt or thought because of how they might view me. Those were the days I forgot what feelings actually felt like. I was held captive by fear, shame, guilt, depression and anxiety.

Then I started doing "It".

Life.

The most uncomfortable, painful, annoying, frustrating, hard, and BEAUTIFUL thing I've ever had to learn (and am still learning) to do. People know how I feel - which is scary yet more gratifying than any behavior I've ever had. I feel more rested after a release of true emotion than I knew during the years of  faking "it".  Sometimes it hurts. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I scream. Sometimes I talk. Sometimes I am Silent.

I am doing "It". -- I am standing up and sharing, asking for help. I am saying "This is me - and that is okay." I am experiencing emotions - being human, and watching the emotions come and go as I change and grow.

I was faking it. Now, I am being real.

Stand up for being real.

Sit or Stand?

You will hear my story at Where I Stand. But today I'm going to tell you where this event came from.

When I got out of inpatient/residential treatment last summer I was not ready (or at least I didn't think I was). I felt riddled by my disordered behaviors and thoughts, and I just wanted it all to go away.

Well - it didn't all go away - in fact it got worse, much worse, before it got better.

During the days of wanting nothing other than to disappear I clung hardest to the things my biggest supporters said to me. I held on tight to conversations with my fellow travelers (those I've met in treatment fighting this disease along side of me) - and I kept existing.

It got to a point though, that existing was not enough - and that I had a decision to make.

I had to make a decision to live (by fighting everything disordered inside of me) OR to die (by allowing my eating disorder to consume then take my life).

I chose to live and continually choose to live today.

And while I daily fight to make decisions of health - I am standing, for myself, my friends in treatment, for people who struggle or will struggle or could struggle all around me.

To stay standing I hold on to what one treatment provider said to me as I broke down in her office "You are a Beautiful Person." Which is something I now believe about myself and others.

To stay standing I remember my sisters from treatment at Remuda Ranch as we would fight, meal by meal, emotion by emotion - fighting through each day - seeking just a bit more health.

To stay standing I think of my friends & my family - the people that have held me up for so many years, until finally I was able to stand by my own strength.

Choosing to Stand was incredibly difficult at first - but now, I don't think I could sit down.

I'm not perfect. My recovery certainly is not either. 

But when I'm tempted, struggling, feeling extra low and wanting to give up.

A little voice pops up and says: "Sit or Stand?" 

I think I'll Stand. 

Today's Meeting!

Today I met with the directors of three different dance studios that will be performing in Where I Stand Roanoke: Pedro Szalay of Southwest Virginia Ballet, Leslie Arthur of Valley Dance Productions and Nancy Saylor of Halestone Dance Studio.

It was wonderful.

I think we would all agree that the meeting was a success. We discussed the purpose - it's importance, and possible impact. We then moved to the dancing! Oh how I love dancing, and dancers! (especially these dancers). They are so good at what they do, from choreography, teaching, to nurturing students - I feel incredibly lucky to have the opportunity to work with these three wonderful directors for this event!

Tomorrow's tasks involve lot's of phone calls to counseling centers, and local magazines and media!

Where I Stand Roanoke is going to make a HUGE impact on our area! - It's already making a big impact on my heart (and some others I know)!

Spread the word. Spread hope. Email Whereistandtoday@gmail.com to get involved.

~ Erin

 

Leslie Arthur - Valley Dance Productions

 

Nancy Saylor - Halestone Dance Studio

 

Pedro Szalay - Southwest Virginia Ballet

Where Do You Stand?

Where I Stand

By: Erin

So far in the course of my life

I have stood for many things

These things have often caused me harm and strife

Hurt too, terrible pain, and those harmful things that always sting

My mind would always say:

I should

I would

I could

The truth is….

This is where I stood:

On a mountain of shame and guilt

That I myself built

In an ocean of depression and doubt

Where I stayed silent then acted out

Below a cloud of anger and fear

Words of comfort and hope I could never hear

But today that has begun to slowly change

One foot in front of the other

I move from that dark place to brighter other

That is where I stood

This is where I stand

Here with you

Struggling my way through

Making the decision to do what is hard but right

So that my life may reflect light

Holding on when I want to let go

Knowing it’s okay if I go slow

Walking with others who choose to fight for light too

For what seems impossible for one is possible for a few

So this is where I stand

Fighting my own darkness

Fighting for light

And from where I stand you must know

We WILL be alright

This is where I stand

You choose where you want to be

My hope is that you will see

When it comes to mental illness, strain and strife

The only choice is to stand for life

We Stand for HOPE.

A few months ago I began telling people I wanted to do something. Something to publicly say "screw you" to the disease that has taken a good part of my life from me. And people responded.

On October 27th 2012 Roanoke will have it's very first benefit to raise awareness, education, HOPE, and a little money for the treatment of Eating Disorders.

It's Called: Where I Stand

My eating disorder almost took my life - and after spending lots of time and money in intensive treatment - I'm finally finding my way out of the darkness that consumed me.

Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness. And are debilitating. But There is Hope - in prevention, in treatment, and in recovery - and that is where I stand today.

On October 27th 2012 at 7pm in the PH auditorium (almost certainly) I will publicly share my story. As will others. You will see dances from studios around Virgina - as dancers perform and empower themselves to be healthy. You will hear from friends of people who have struggled, poetry, and so much more.

You yourself will also have an opportunity to donate to a scholarship where 100% of the monies will go directly to treatment for someone struggling. And Stand for Hope.

Tickets are $10 per ticket (all proceeds go directly to the scholarship). They will go on sale at the beginning of September. Locations TBA.

Something Big is Happening. Don't miss it. Invite friends. Spread the word. Raise Awareness. Spread HOPE.