I Stand for saying it.

I wonder sometimes what it would be like to say: "Hi, my name is Erin and I am bipolar, I am anxious, have depression, am in recovery from an eating disorder, struggle with self harm, oh yeah and don't know who I am."

I wonder how people would respond if that is the first thing they ever heard me say.

I'm open - in a detached-you-don't-really-know-me- sort of way. But to lay it out there from day one would be terrifying and liberating all at the same time. Thinking about it though really makes me wonder -- who really knows me anyway?

Who really knows you?

What would be your opening line, if you could disclose anything in one sentence? This opener should be terrifying, yet liberate you from the so many chains that hold you down, back, and to the ground.

What don't you say? What do you leave out? How about gloss over?

Obviously we don't open relationships this way - obviously we pick and choose who we tell what to. But I Stand for saying "it" (whatever your it may be) because saying it sets you free. You've gotta know that life is ugly which makes it beautiful. We're all going to face crap, trial, fear, anger, sadness and then bear fruit. We will then become who we are suppose to be through that refinement of life.

Maybe it doesn't get easier. Maybe it's not supposed to. Maybe we're supposed to make it easier for others so that they can do so for even more people.

I Stand for saying it.

Set yourself free.

"Even the best fall down sometimes..." Collide by: Howie Day

I fall a lot. Everyone does - but it still sucks. Sometimes the holes we fall into make sense and other times we trip over our own two feet - simply because we are moving to fast.

Life is so hard and so messy. Life hurts (like hell). Life is terrifying. Life is filled with bumps and bruises, sometimes even broken bones.

And when we get beat up time and time again its so easy to ask ourselves what is the point? When we keep falling, or tripping, or getting seemly more broken It's so easy to ask - okay why not just stay down this time? Why should I get up again?

Get up because you're not alone. Life is hard for everyone - not just you - and we're all just figuring our way out.

Get up because you're different. You may struggle to see that difference, but it's true. No two people are the same and every single person has something beautiful to give to this world. I've been most encouraged, and most inspired by people who had fallen and were fighting to get up. They didn't have it all together - after all we will never have it all together.

Get up because if you don't try you will never know what would have happened if you did. Life is a risk. Living is a risk. Loving is a risk. But take it - because at the end of the day, if you don't - not only will you miss out on so much - but so many people will miss out on the opportunity to know you.

I Stand for getting up, because even the best fall down sometimes.

I stand for doing what you do.

In a would filled with "shoulds" "woulds" and "coulds" it can be really hard to figure out the "I dos" "I ams" and what is true for you.

I know I struggle with that on a daily basis. I strive to be who I believe I should be, and forget who I am. I spend so much of my energy on the the ideas about what my life would be if I was better or smarter or prettier. Before I know I forget how grateful I am for the people I have, the experiences and opportunities I've been given - and for what I can do today where I am - the way am. It's hard not to live in the past or in the tomorrow. It's hard to make this moment the best moment it can be. But what else do we have really?

So today I do art, I do school, I do advocacy.
Today I am a writer, I am creative, I am a sister.
Today It is true that I am doing the best that I can.

I Stand for doing what you do.

I Stand for knowing who you are

I am a sister
I am a daughter
I am a friend
I am a girl
I am a leader
I am a student
I am smart
I am a perfectionist
I am silly
I am kind
I am passionate
I am impulsive
I am loving
I am controlling
I am creative

Sometimes I feel so lost in my circumstance, that I forget that I am so much more than what is happening around me. I forget that everything and everyone can change - yet I am who I am. I am who I was created to be. I am who I have grown to be through my life experiences, good and bad. I have been shaped by those who have put energy into molding me.

Today isn't a great day. Yesterday wasn't a great day - that that happens. But I am who I am - and that makes it okay.

You are who you are too. Make a list. Remind yourself that no matter what the day, the situation, the person who comes in or out - you are who you are - and that is more than enough.

Today I Stand for knowing who I am. Stand for knowing who you are too.

I Stand for....

Recovery sometimes makes complete sense. It has never been easy - but I've always understood what I needed to do (it's usually been spelled out for me by treatment providers). For example - I've had to take my medication as prescribed, eat when told, and not engage in eating disordered behaviors. I've had to go to appointments (lots of them) and talk.... talk.... and talk. Sometimes, I would be poked and prodded by doctors.... It was hard - the hardest - but I understood it.

I'm confused now.

Anyone who knows me knows I like efficiency - I like control - I like accomplishments. I used those personality characteristics to enhance my recovery process, through charts and lists, goals and measurements of progress.

There are no charts and lists for relationships. Relationships are not about efficiency and mastering things. It's not about improving....... I guess it's not supposed to be about control at all.

I'm not sure how to do it then. I want to learn, and at the same time I'm scared - it's kinda like knowing you've come so far and you cannot go back now. I want to allow people to know me, and know others without feeling threatened.

To be honest - my method of relating to people has worked great for me.... up until now. Now, it's not enough. I want more.

I just have to figure out how.

Today I Stand for being known and knowing others. It's harder than it looks.

To be Exceptional: A poem

I Stand for Realizing just how exceptional you are... the way you are... Right now.

To be Exceptional
By: Erin Casey

I don’t know when I became afraid of being labeled “mediocre”
But as the days went by I gradually raised my bar
Always convinced that I needed to push myself to every limit to go far
I first strived to meet other people’s expectations
Then push myself to be better out of fear of my very own limitations
All to be Exceptional
What ever that is or was anyway

It never stopped
No accomplishment was good enough
And then I dropped

My life had become one catastrophe after the next
And no one realized just how complex
-- the insides of my body, mind and spirit had become by my own intense drive
to be exceptional in the way that I push to strive and thrive

For my brain would say
If you don’t do it one hundred and ten percent – why do it anyway
But in all that time, I had missed the point of who I am living for
Which hurt my soul, my heart, my brain and more

To be Exceptional
Is to know how to take care of you the best way you can today
So that you are healthy to be there for others in that same way

It means knowing your limitations, your strengths and your weakness too
That way I can help people, and ask for help when I need it too

To be Exceptional
Is to be true to your heart
To love people from the very start
To be kind to yourself and others without regard
And to step back, take a break, and rest (even when it is hard)

To be Exceptional
Needed to be re-defined inside of me to move forward with healing
And now looking back, my previous definition is so terribly unappealing

To be Exceptional

To be vulnerable.

I'm a strong person. I'm a strong person. Let me say it again, I am a strong person.

I guess then it makes sense that the idea of feeling weak, or needing help, or feeling vulnerable to someone else through emotion, physical happening or personal connection makes me want to crawl out of my skin. Being strong isn't something I decided to be, it's something I became by necessity. Being strong wasn't a choice as much as a survival mechanism. I became my own hero because I knew in my heart that's what I needed for recovery.

To be vulnerable for me means to let someone into a place that I have guarded as my own - a place filled with dreams, fears, anxieties and tears. I wonder, quite honestly, if I will ever let any person into that so very scary and personal place in my heart. I mean if I don't want to be there - who else could possibly want to or care? What if they walk in then out? What if its too much and they freak out?

I have so strongly protected that place within. I don't think I'm ready to let anyone in.

I am a strong person. But I am afraid too. Afraid to be vulnerable with anyone... Including you.

I stand for baby steps today. Allowing insecurity to be okay. We cannot take every step at once. I stand for knowing I'm okay being me today.